Hands of Steel

nineteen ninety sev’n
truly a bleak futureworld.
gin blossoms break up!

Monaco Forever

the weirdest we’ve seen
jean claude van damme’s greatest role:
gay karate man

Note: This two-minute clip isn’t just Van Damme’s first scene in the film – it’s his only scene in the film.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Staying sexy in the new millennium.

we love trash; hate this.
it commits the greatest sin:
this movie bored us

Laser Mission

Thankfully, not Brandon Lee's final film.

 

now i feel cheated
no plot, no story? that’s fine.
but there’s no LASERS

Alone in the Dark

 

Save us, Baboon Heart!

 

she needs to look smarter
it’s science time, tara reid
put on your glasses

bonus haiku:
he’s our patron saint
if you film it, we will come
uwe boll – crap bag

Brotherhood 3: Young Demons

Teen horniness is not a crime.

 

low-to-no budget
fog machine is some costly
filmed in winnipeg

24 Hours to Midnight

 

Check out those gams

cynthia rothrock
twenty four hours to midnight
it’s still midnight, bitch