Here at “24 Hours to Midnight: The Blog!”, it is our ongoing mission to raise awareness of bad movies (or “Cinéma décharge” – cinema of the dumpster). However, every once in a while, there is a movie so odious, so toxically bad, that we have to hit the eject button on our long-suffering VCR for fear of creating a great sucking void of horribleness.
Once such film is “Gigli” – rhymes with “really” – synonymous with “terrible film”. Unlike previous “Unwatchable” entry, “Battlefield: Earth”, “Gigli” wasn’t destined to be bad. It had a competent writer/director (“Scent of a Woman”‘s Martin Brest) and a script that veered away from romantic comedy and toward the dark and violent. However, things went awry when Brest decided to bank on the tabloid frenzy surrounding stars Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. The grim, introspective elements of the film were jettisoned to make room for the romantic comedy plot, plus some big-time laffs at the retarded brother. I’ll let the synopsis do the talking:
Larry Gigli (Affleck), a lowly hitman, is assigned a job by the mob to kidnap a mentally retarded brother of a district attorney. Gigli abducts the brother from his mental hospital and holds him hostage in his apartment. Ricki (Lopez), a lesbian assassin, is sent to oversee Gigli’s job and make sure he doesn’t screw it up. Hi-jinx ensue as the two go on the lam and fall in love.
In love? It’s a full-on conversion! J-Lo turns ex-gay.
With an offensive script, poor directorial choices, and super-hammy acting by decent actors (Al Pacino, Christopher Walken), “Gigli” = UNWATCHABLE.