Daily Archives: March 2, 2010

Missionary Man

missionary man: loves beating up dudes with garbage cans. co-starring someone who was on one episode of the new melrose place.

ride your motor bike
quote scripture, beat up bad guys
“do” the widow.  yawn.

Seriously, for a movie that had so much going for it, I have no idea how it turned out so terribly.  There were explosions, tequila shots, crooked cops, motorcycles, vengeance and DOLPH LUNDGREN, and still this put me to sleep.  Maybe it was just too cliche ridden to hold my attention.  The highlight by far was this preview:

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!!!!!!!

boylorne: Dolph Lundgren is a man of many talents. Check this out (and wait for 1:15… AND 1:30):

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Seduced By Evil (1994)

Seduced by cartoon Suzanne Somers

 Sporting Southwest styles,
Somers faces crow brujo
and morphs into wolf.
 

 

Right?? It doesn’t get much better, gentle viewer. Or does it? Let’s watch: 

 

You have to admit, Somers is one of those actors who presents a really serious performance. Can’t you just feel the psychic vibes on the wind? Well, I guess she had some guidance from sassy spiritual advisor Julie Carmen–actress, psychotherapist, yoga instructor and friend of Suzanne Somers–pictured here with the author of the original book, Jann Arrington Wolcott:

Seduced by lesbigays

 

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Saturn 3 (1980)

 

Sexy robot! Too bad he eats dogs and people.

Addicted to pills.
Farrah, he’s too old for you!
Go for the robot.

Good news, Farrah / shitty sci-fi fans! This movie is available in its entirety on YouTube. Here’s the trailer:

You’d think that this movie would be an exciting, high concept space opera. You’d be wrong. Saturn 3 is just terrible.

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