Tag Archives: canadian content

Willy Wilson recommends: Dark Paradox (2007)

Friend of us Willy Wilson knows that we love secret cults, Canadian horror, portals, and all things Lovecraftian. She recommended “Dark Paradox” (2007), since it exists in the centre of a Venn diagram containing those four things. Enjoy!

As far as we can tell, Victoria, British Columbia, isn’t the Satanic capital of North America… though, it IS the Cycling Capital of Canada. Perhaps the hundreds of kilometers of bike paths form a colossal pentagram. I guess we’ll find out when the city gets sucked into the gaping maw of Hell.

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[TV] La Femme Nikita

matthew ferguson

mystyron’s been watching “La Femma Nikita” (1997). He says it’s really good.

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boylorne bought some cool tapes

On a recent return trip to the greatest depository of VHS on the Eastern seaboard, I picked up sixteen choice films for reviewing/merry-making. Now, they have a new home on my so-good Wal-Mart particle board bookcase.

VHS tapes on a bookshelf

Classing up the place.

Before they were ready to display, the tapes had to be taken out of their hard plastic VHS cases (more on that later), while the cardboard movie boxes were shucked from their plastic dust jackets. The display boxes had spent the past twenty plus years on the shelf, soaking up the sunlight and carbon dioxide produced by local mouthbreathers.

Personally, I think they look like they're made of the the ectoplasm from "A Haunting in Connecticut"

Personally, I think it looks like it's made of the ectoplasm from "A Haunting in Connecticut".

Meanwhile, the tapes themselves were out in the cool, dark storage room, like so many polypropylene sarcophagi.

vhs cases

Left: A stack of VHS cases. Right: A shapely leg.

This leaves me to question: What am I going to do with these VHS cases? They don’t seem to be recyclable. I suppose I could go to craftster.org, and find out how to make some sort of re-purposed jewellery box? Or perhaps a twee endtable to sell on Etsy? Suggestions are welcome.

Edit: The films are Blown Away, Programmed to Kill, Trancers 3, Siesta, April Fool’s Day, Lady Dragon 2, Tiger Claws 2, Who is Cletus Tout?, Brenda Starr, Never Too Young to Die, Alien Intruder, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Deadlock, Prayer of the Rollerboys, and Commando Squad.

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Turbulence 3 (2001)

turbulence 3

online, in-flight gig
oh! satanic hijackers!
hack the plane, you guys

See the actress in the YouTube video? If you thought that she was going to have a sexy transformation, then you would be RIGHT. Glasses OFF, hair OUT OF BUN.

Also from the preview, does the guy playing Internet Hacker look familiar to you? We thought it was David Boreanaz. Nope, it’s Mr.-Hey-Aren’t-You-David-Boreanaz? himself, Craig Sheffer. Here’s a side-by-side comparison of the two of them looking like d-bags. BONUS: The gentleman in the middle making that duck-face is Colin Berry, an actor that has shown up on this blog before.

Craig Sheffer David Boreanaz and Colin Berry

Speaking of familiar, we were about halfway through the movie when we realized that shock-rocker/Marilyn-Manson-clone Slade Craven is played by John Mann, frontman of Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West.

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Arcade

arcade film

calm down, ’90s teens
virtual reality?
more like screensaver

Yet another entry where “if you die in the game, you die for real”. When will teens learn?

The CGI’s real, real bad, but it did remind us of something…:

And while we’re on the topic of CGI, 1990s electronica, and things that are mind-bendingly ridiculous, here’s something we know you’ll enjoy:

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Blacula

Blacula

Not pictured: Chinese Wolfman

jive nosferatu
he’s here to take your women
honky dracula


Blacula vs. a pair of fancy gentlemen. Child, be still!

Gordon Pinsent in Blacula

He's not taking any of your shit, detective.

CANADIAN CONTENT ALERT! Playing the hard-nosed Lt. Jack Peters, its national treasure Gordon Pinsent.

THIS JUST IN! Gordon Pinsent is the voice of King Babar.

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Shivers

bathtub woman in Shivers

The tub was full of sherbet.

ugh – who paid for this?
the canadian film board?
j’accuse, cronenberg!

We’d lose whatever credibility we have as artsy, godless, communist, latte-sucking, tofu-chomping, holistic-wacko neurotic vegan perverts if we were caught coming down on the National Film Board like consertives have in days of yore. Really, we’re happy that the Canadian government helps in funding films, even bad ones like this. I mean, if nobody made bad movies, we wouldn’t be internet famous. And we’d rather be internet famous than Canadian famous (a.k.a. not famous).

Speaking of the NFB, omg have your tried their app?

More National Film Board hotness: 

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Prom Night 4

Deliver us a pizza. Debit at the door.

Deliver us a pizza. Debit at the door.

Freaky possessed priest.
Most of the cast from Catwalk.
Bonus: Explosion!

The cast of Catwalk, you say? The YTV/MTV drama about a band, featuring a then-unknown Neve Campbell and a still-unknown everybody else? Indeed! The male lead of “Prom Night 4” is Billy K, and the female lead is Maggi, who was weird-looking guy’s love interest. More on her in a later post. Until then, nostalgize:

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Hot Dog Cops

CAPTION HERE

ACCORDING TO THE INTERNET, HOT DOG COPS IS NOT A MOVIE. IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.......

vice squad cops bust pros
best part: dog smokes cigarette
just hit fast forward

this is seriously the only link for this movie on the internet:

http://www.locatetv.com/movie/hot-dog-cops/994396

it was one of the worst things we’ve ever seen, so honestly i am not surprised.

Update: Hot Dog Cops (1980) is also known as “Cops and Other Lovers”, “Under the Cover Cops”, and “Les chiens chauds”. It features noted porn star Harry Reems as hard-nosed, straight-laced police officer, Mr. Clean. It also features the Montreal Expos beloved mascot, Youppi. In it’s thrilling climax, the Hot Dog Cops sneak into a private party and brutalize a bunch of homos. Youppi!

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Pontypool

 

ladies, that guy is not handsome.  otherwise, i have no complaints about this movie.

ladies, that guy is not handsome. otherwise, i have no complaints about this movie.

zombies throw up blood,
dudes, just get off the radio.
ew! gross! don’t kiss that!

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