walk slow as house burns
and look like a sad lady.
Ohhh… so many problems with this one. Here’s a few highlights:
- the theatrical debut of the UFC’s Tito Ortiz.
- a cameo by Macy Gray.
- Dennis Hopper in a complete WTF performance as a jive-talkin’ pimp/cult leader. Not even he can deliver a stinker of a line like “I now pronounce you devil and his shorty!”
On the upside, it’s got Danny Trejo (MACHETE!) and our best girl, Tara Reid!
I thought the biggest problem was Edward Furlong, who ends up looking more than a little effeminate after he takes a Sharpie to his face. The look he’s going for is “grim spectre of death” but it’s more like “bay goth teen who took a Sharpie to his face while watching the first Crow movie in their room on VHS”.
Personally, Edward Furlong as The Crow reminded me of those Living Dead Dolls from Hot Topic: