Never Too Young To Die (1986)

SHEERS.

john stamos:  real man
gene simmons: hermaphrodite
they almost tongue kiss

ALSO:

ALSO:

Runaway (1987)

really good shoulder pads.

tom selleck, head nerd
cops fix computer problems
runaway robots

Battle of the Network Stars

boylorne: Back when she was on “Cheers”, I had a crush on Kirstie Alley. She wore blouses and was insolent. It was amazing.

Officer Karen Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes) hopes to get moustached by Tom Selleck

Bonus facts about Cynthia Rhodes! She starred in a Toto video! She is Rosanna! That is her slinking around a fence and swinging around a stop sign. She is also married to Richard Marx and at one point sang for Animotion (but this was post-“Obsession”, so it’s not as awesome as it could be). Either way, nice work Cynthia Rhodes! Richard Marx probably sings this and thinks about you!

(this was my song for a dance number in gym class in the second grade. i think it involved forward rolls and ribbons on a stick.)

Red Surf

GENE SIMMONS

hunky george clooney
guns n’roses belly top
cocaine blow job

This was an early 90’s surfer flick featuring a roseanne-era clooney, michelle pfeiffer’s little sister dedee, and gene simmons.  i’m pretty sure it’s about some sort of set-up involving a drug deal, and then revenge, but i sort of stopped paying a lot of attention to the plot.  my either way, it’s an entertaining movie to watch at least once, if only for the drug addled bromance of atilla and remar.