The Devil Inside (2012)

Read the review at thescope.ca…

Fear of the Dark (2002)

cowboy ghost douche bags
apparently blankets are safe?
just pay your light bill!



 

Jesse James: More than one guitar?

 

And now, the TOP 5 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT TEEN STAR JESSE JAMES (from his IMDB Biography)
5. His nickname is Jess.
4. He started playing guitar when he was 14.
3. He owns two guitars.
2. He is a fan of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
1. He has dimples when he smiles.



The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

Summer vacation ideas.

It’s so romantic.
Connected butthole to mouth;
Pooping back and forth.

WARNING: Once you watch this, you cannot unwatch it:

And for those special loved ones in your life, Etsy has some flossy accessories: http://www.etsy.com/listing/48710700/the-human-centipede-necklace

For those lonely nights, there’s also the video game: http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/human-centipede-game/

Happy news! 2011’s planned sequel has been described by auteur Tom Six as making the first one look like My Little Pony in comparison.

Seriously though, this movie made me really sad.

Saturn 3 (1980)

 

Sexy robot! Too bad he eats dogs and people.

Addicted to pills.
Farrah, he’s too old for you!
Go for the robot.

Good news, Farrah / shitty sci-fi fans! This movie is available in its entirety on YouTube. Here’s the trailer:

You’d think that this movie would be an exciting, high concept space opera. You’d be wrong. Saturn 3 is just terrible.

Wishcraft

29-year-olds make terrible 17-year-olds, just sayin'.

watch out, brett bumpers!
an ancient dick in a box.
meatloaf’s on the case.

Meat Loaf & Zelda Rubinstein sing a duet for the ages.

Okay, so apparently the only trailers available are in Spanish or something, but I did manage to find this pointless piece of garbage, up for public viewing by the entire youtube community:

Thanks kids! We’re glad your internship went well. Mind not distracting professional movie bin dumpster divers from finding the choice meats amongst internet videos?

Seriously could not find a trailer in English, but there were a lot of clips of the A.J. Buckley scenes (bumbling best friend to leading man, played by 36-year-old). LAME.

Bloodspell aka The Boy from Hell (1988)

because he's so handsome.

home for troubled youth
pre-fargo woodchipper death
kid possessed by dad

this was pretty much impossible to find a trailer or anything on. sorry.
i will tell you that it involved a lot of “acting”, and featured twink caplan, who is probably best known for playing miss geist in clueless.

Hot Dog Cops

ACCORDING TO THE INTERNET, HOT DOG COPS IS NOT A MOVIE. IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.......

vice squad cops bust pros
best part: dog smokes cigarette
just hit fast forward

this is seriously the only link for this movie on the internet:

http://www.locatetv.com/movie/hot-dog-cops/994396

it was one of the worst things we’ve ever seen, so honestly i am not surprised.

Update: Hot Dog Cops (1980) is also known as “Cops and Other Lovers”, “Under the Cover Cops”, and “Les chiens chauds”. It features noted porn star Harry Reems as hard-nosed, straight-laced police officer, Mr. Clean. It also features the Montreal Expos beloved mascot, Youppi. In it’s thrilling climax, the Hot Dog Cops sneak into a private party and brutalize a bunch of homos. Youppi!

The Final Destination

NO MORE PLEASE.

the last one for real?
shout-out: clear rivers water
two words: 3-D poo

 

The Man From Earth (2007)

Wow! High concept sci-fi...? Nope!

A boring stage play,
with a supposed caveman–
wait, he’s Jesus too?!

The Whispering

This was the only crappy movie poster we could find...

The Whispering will
make you fall asleep. Boring!
Leotard in sight!

Oh hey Leif Garrett 🙂
What is up with your eyes, huh?
Who are you again?

Sorry, we couldn’t find any trailer or any video for this. Contest! Find us some footage, and we’ll write you a special haiku.

Good luck!