Tag Archives: made for tv

Never Cry Werewolf (2008)

PETTER STEBBINGS, YOU PLAYED A TEEN IN 1993, STOP HANGING AROUND HIGH SCHOOLS.

like oz and willow
with a creepy age difference
and kevin sorbo

Points of Interest:

Nina Dobrev is really into playing characters that look like the old timey beloved of a monster. I’ve only seen her in two things, and in both she is the object of affection of either a werewolf or a vampire that carries around a picture of the old-timey look-a-like lover.

Melissa from Never Cry Werewolf

Katherine from The Vampire Diaries

Apparently when you are bitten by a werewolf you go through an unsexy transformation and turn into this unfortunate thing:

UNSEXY!

UNFORTUNATE!

And finally, this:

KEVIN SORBO GUSSIED UP LIKE SOME INDIANA JONES CROCODILE HUNTER BEING CHASED BY AND UNFORTUNATE HALF WEREWOLF!

This is not a good movie by any means, but if it comes on TV, you could probably leave it on and be entertained.

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The Roost


it’s set in pop’s shed.
watch out, nan’s a red herring!
bats are kind of cute.

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Seduced By Evil (1994)

Seduced by cartoon Suzanne Somers

 Sporting Southwest styles,
Somers faces crow brujo
and morphs into wolf.
 

 

Right?? It doesn’t get much better, gentle viewer. Or does it? Let’s watch: 

 

You have to admit, Somers is one of those actors who presents a really serious performance. Can’t you just feel the psychic vibes on the wind? Well, I guess she had some guidance from sassy spiritual advisor Julie Carmen–actress, psychotherapist, yoga instructor and friend of Suzanne Somers–pictured here with the author of the original book, Jann Arrington Wolcott:

Seduced by lesbigays

 

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Open Graves

featuring eliza dushku as a weird sea-witch

douchebags play board game
“sexy” chainsaw photoshoot
death by CGI

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Céline: The Movie

oh, the eyebrows.

oh, the eyebrows.

tale as old as time
inappropriate romance
sing, faux Céline, sing.

THANKS CBC!

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