Dr. Giggles (1992)

Read the review at thescope.ca…

Burlesque (2010)

"WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE"

welcome to burlesque
your leg is cher’s microphone
glitter bras for all

cher and a crow bar
beat the windows out ya car
lame drama ballad

The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror (2007)

"Who would want to be with a singer-songwriter who hasn't hit the big time? ... Do you want some couscous?"

sluttiness abounds
and so do gay one-liners
yay, stabbed by drag queen!

Here’s the “sexy version” of the trailer:

And here’s a fun little scene:

So it turns out that above crazy lady was actually gang-banged by a large group of Republicans and gave birth to a teenage zombie boy.

 

Splice

adrien brody
screws sarah’s science project.
um… literally.

Troll 2

 

If only there were trolls in this movie

 

corn on the cob slut
vegetarian goblins
baloney sandwich!

Dance of the Dead (2008)

it’s like BLUH meets BLAH.
so, your teen film has zombies…
that don’t make it good.

This is one of those movies that seem so low-budget and earnest that you kind of HAVE to like it. But then, they burn up all that goodwill by having the zombies drive, or keep walking after their head is removed or oh-hey-come-on-now become hypnotized by rock music for some reason. There was one scene where the cheerleader makes a dash through a horde of zombies — flipping, rolling, and diving — that was thought was pretty cool. Then we realized it was because it reminded us of “Buffy”, so we were conflicted. Not bad, but not amazing.

Speaking of amazing works of survival horror, “The Walking Dead” is coming to AMC on October 31st, 2010. Excited? You betcha.

And, what the heck, here’s the fan-made opening credits (that is, not the ones they’re going to use on the real show), prepared by Daniel M. Kanemoto. The actual show is probably going to be a little more sombre and grim. These credits, however, are slick as hell. I would watch this show.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Leatherface is mega creepy.

Okay, Michael Bay,
we get the point already:
remake everything.

What is TCM really inspired by? Apparently, Leatherface is based on real-life creepazoid Ed Gein, and the events on any number of urban legends involving teenagers, vans, drugs and sex.

Fun (1994)

handheld cameras?
black-and-white? starts at the end?!
oh hi, the 90’s!

No trailer here, but it’s available on YouTube, so you can skip through and be annoyed all the same.

So, what’s Alicia Witt (aka my 1995 crush) been up to? Aside from starring in noted garbageheap “88 Minutes” with Al Pacino, she’s apparently been promoting her singing career.

Hm. That’s only somewhat hilarious. Let’s just play a track from another famous-in-the-90s redhead. This one’s always a crowdpleaser.

Mortal Kombat (1995)

acting’s not crucial
when you’ve got kicks-to-the-face.
cue nineties techno

We’re late to the gate with this, but in case you haven’t seen it, here’s the video that was (supposedly) produced as a means of shopping around a rebooted “Mortal Kombat” film. The short is directed by Kevin Tancharoen, who is mostly known for his dance movies, which seem to definitely be in play here: He’s definitely choreography chops. Also, geeks take note: he’s Maurissa Tancharoen’s brother.

Back to the film at hand: when it comes to the soundtrack, there are definitely some things worth noting. First off, we have Orbital’s “Halcyon and On and On”. Considering its prominence on the soundtrack of “Hackers” and “Mortal Kombat”, we feel that back to 1995, this track was shorthand for “roll credits”.

It was this next excerpt from the soundtrack that really dropped my jaw. Watch this video of the penultimate fight scene of the movie, and jump to about a minute in:

The artist behind the track? It’s noted adult film actress and 24H2Midnight favourite Traci Lords! Check out her music video here:

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

As good or better than the original

A dark comedy
Rider Strong dies first, thank god
Don’t drink that punch, bitch!

According to the A.V. Club, director Ti West (House of the Devil, The Roost) requested to have his screen credit removed from the film because it had been shelved since 2007 and recut without his input. West originally envisioned his film as “a very John Waters/Paul Bartel-style anarchist horror-comedy, a very disgusting social commentary about teen sex and disease and things like that.” Though he was unimpressed with the results, these elements are still present in the final, bloody disgusting product.