Tag Archives: musicians trying to act

Burlesque (2010)

"WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE"

welcome to burlesque
your leg is cher’s microphone
glitter bras for all

cher and a crow bar
beat the windows out ya car
lame drama ballad

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Turbulence 3 (2001)

turbulence 3

online, in-flight gig
oh! satanic hijackers!
hack the plane, you guys

See the actress in the YouTube video? If you thought that she was going to have a sexy transformation, then you would be RIGHT. Glasses OFF, hair OUT OF BUN.

Also from the preview, does the guy playing Internet Hacker look familiar to you? We thought it was David Boreanaz. Nope, it’s Mr.-Hey-Aren’t-You-David-Boreanaz? himself, Craig Sheffer. Here’s a side-by-side comparison of the two of them looking like d-bags. BONUS: The gentleman in the middle making that duck-face is Colin Berry, an actor that has shown up on this blog before.

Craig Sheffer David Boreanaz and Colin Berry

Speaking of familiar, we were about halfway through the movie when we realized that shock-rocker/Marilyn-Manson-clone Slade Craven is played by John Mann, frontman of Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West.

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A Cinderella Story

updated for teens.
always read your texts out loud.
duff is faux fugly.

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Red Surf

GENE SIMMONS

hunky george clooney
guns n’roses belly top
cocaine blow job

This was an early 90’s surfer flick featuring a roseanne-era clooney, michelle pfeiffer’s little sister dedee, and gene simmons.  i’m pretty sure it’s about some sort of set-up involving a drug deal, and then revenge, but i sort of stopped paying a lot of attention to the plot.  my either way, it’s an entertaining movie to watch at least once, if only for the drug addled bromance of atilla and remar.

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The Hunger (1983)

Forever... and ever

Forever... and ever

Susan Sarandon
and vampire transformation.
Dramatic curtains!

Also, check out this sensuous scene between Sarandon and Deneuve (NSFW!!!):

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I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

This movie is apparently about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts and some disembodied heads that are sad.

This movie is apparently about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts and some disembodied heads that are sad.

sequel time, teen stars!
a harsh genre for non-whites.
watch out, moesha!


0:20 – Jennifer Love Hewitt takes what we loved about the original film (her “stretch out your arms and yell” method of acting) but THIS time, instead of yelling “What are you waiting for, huh!?” she says “Come and get me. I’m right here!”… but THIS time her character has evolved to a point where she decides to deliver her lines in a soaking wet shirt. That’s how you make a sequel, people.

SPOILER: OK, so the killer from the first movie is Ben Willis. In this movie, Jennifer Love Hewitt befriends a mysterious stranger named Will Benson… who, to the surprise of no one, turns out to be Ben’s son, out for revenge. Will is Ben‘s son. Wordplay, y’all!

Trivia: Mekhi Pfifer, who plays Brandy’s boyfriend in “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” (aka ISKWYDLS aka Iskwiddles) also stars in the Brandy/Monica song “The Boy is Mine”. Now go to YouTube and watch it. It won’t embed here.

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Obsessed

Beyonce shows us crazy

If he don

Oh hi Beyonce.
Lay the smackdown on Ali!
Through the ceiling? Whoa!!!

Savage Sasha Fierce!
Just call the cops already!
Everyone is dumb.

To get the full effect of this movie, just watch this trailer and the fight scene between Beyonce and Ali. Don’t waste your time with the rest.

BONUS QUIZ:
BEYONCÉ LYRIC or OBSESSED QUOTE

1) ???: You better do something about this woman, or I will!
2) ???: She gon’ be rockin’ chinchilla coats if I let you go.
3) ???: I’ll drag your skinny ass all over this carpet!
4) ???: Can you pay my automo’ bills?
5) ???: You know who this is/ you came into my house/ you touched my child/ You think you’re crazy?/ I’ma show you crazy!

Highlight for the answers!:
1) Sasha Fierce.
2) Sasha Fierce.
3) Sasha Fierce.
4) Sasha Fierce.
5) Sasha Fierce.

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Crossroads

Also starring Taryn Manning of <i>The Breed</i>

Also starring Taryn Manning of The Breed

Britney Spears acting?
If only this were horror.
Don’t quit your day job.

About that last point…
Those are impractical sleeves!
Sing for your supper???

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Tank Girl

tankgirl

post-apocalypse!
where is all the water? gone.
Ice-T? kangaroo.

Star of "Ice-T's Rap School", and author of "The Ice Opinion: Who Gives a Fuck?"

here’s my confession:
i loved this film in grade eight.
how embarassing.

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Dracula 2000

dracula-2000

this is star studded.
omar epps, 7 of 9, and
vitamin c’s breasts

BONUS HAIKU

Hip and happening
It’s Judas Escariot!
Stop hatin’ Jesus.

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