Tag Archives: portals

Willy Wilson recommends: Dark Paradox (2007)

Friend of us Willy Wilson knows that we love secret cults, Canadian horror, portals, and all things Lovecraftian. She recommended “Dark Paradox” (2007), since it exists in the centre of a Venn diagram containing those four things. Enjoy!

As far as we can tell, Victoria, British Columbia, isn’t the Satanic capital of North America… though, it IS the Cycling Capital of Canada. Perhaps the hundreds of kilometers of bike paths form a colossal pentagram. I guess we’ll find out when the city gets sucked into the gaping maw of Hell.

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Crossworlds (1997)

you know, it’s funny…
these alternate dimensions
all look like L.A.

Dumb fact: While we were watching Crossworlds, we talked about Crossroads (2002). Unbeknownst to us, the Queen is played by Beverly Johnson, who also played Britney Spears’ mean friend’s mean mom in Crossroads (2002). Weird.

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Hellraiser (1987)

Um... he'll also tear your body apart.

Um... he'll also tear apart your entire body.

 

Gurl, your step-mom blows!
She brought back your dead uncle
and fucked with Pinhead.
 

Rubik’s Cube from Hell.
Step away from the portal!
AHHHHHH! The Cenobites!
 

Lovely party.

 

 

And as if Pinhead and the Cenobites weren’t enough to freak you right out,  Clive Barker decided to throw a reconstituted, skinless, sadomasochistic uncle into the mix. Fun for the whole family! 

Oh, hi. Nightmares forever.

 

 

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Jennifer’s Body

megan-fox-jennifers-body-movie-poster-big-2009-7

Agents of Satan,
but with really awesome hair.
Indie music’s hard.

Spell for record deal.
Jennifer is no virgin!
Succubus is born.

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Invitation to Hell

"I just dropped by to give you your invitation."

It’s Susan Lucci!
If you think this film is bad…
You should “join the club.”

Lasers and portals.
A daytime Emmy winner.
What could be better?

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The Gate

"What will we tell Mom and Dad? Glen levitated and broke the lamp?"

"What will we tell Mom and Dad? Glen levitated and broke the lamp?"

They opened the gate
The mother revealed as dog
Amazing fashions!

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