Tag Archives: pretty AND smart

Salt (2010)

 

Would you like some fat, pouty lips with your salt?

Typical Jolie:
shoot some guns and give some ‘tude;
ridiculous clothes.

At least the role didn’t go to Tom Cruise, as was originally intended – though imagine him sporting this rather fetching look:

Jolie: so Russian

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The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies: Jon Bon Jovi

Occasionally, a filmmaker needs a lady to look smart, and really wants to beat the audience over the head with it. And sometimes, the menfolk need a little IQ boost from the propmaster, too. The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies is proud to present today’s graduate: Jon Bon Jovi.

Practically a lady.

In the not-all-that-bad 2005 slasher/thriller Cry_Wolf, the usual pack of endangered teens are mentored by Prof. Rich Walker — an eBay shoppin’, student-gropin’ faculty member. He wears the standard issue college professor uniform: tweed jacket, sweater vest, and glasses. As the characters wait for the killer’s next move, Prof. Rich Walker discusses the plot with the male lead over (ugh) a game of chess. Here, chess is a metaphor for obvious metaphors.

"Bookshelves", he said thoughtfully.

"Bookshelves", he said thoughtfully.

Graduate: Jon Bon Jovi
Major: Tweed Application
Film: Cry_Wolf (2005)

From all of us here at “24 Hours to Midnight: The Blog!”, we wish Jon Bon Jovi a hearty congratulations, and remind our readers that glasses make u look totes smart lollllllll.

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The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies: Jessica Alba

Occasionally, a filmmaker needs a lady to look smart, but can’t afford to change the script, or cast someone that can act like a smart person. That’s when you call the “Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies” – helping ladies be smart through the use of props. Today’s graduate? Jessica Alba.

Smart?

Smart?

Jessica Alba is the winner of two Lazzies (the Latino version of a Razzie) for her status as Worst Latina Actress. However, that didn’t stop her from playing the WASPiest white woman in the Marvel Universe – The Invisible Woman.

Blacktina?

Blacktina?

How will she make it as a super-powered blonde woman with advanced degrees in four biochemical fields? Witness the transformation!

"You guys! Science!", said the be-wigged Alba.

"You guys! Science!", said the be-wigged Alba.

Wow! Not since “Honey” have we seen such a Cinderella story!

Graduate: Jessica Alba
Major: Glasses Wearing
Film: Fantastic Four (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Congratulations, Jessica Alba!

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The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies: Isabel Lucas

Glasses? Clipboard? HAIR IN A BUN?? This is one smart lady.

Glasses? Clipboard? HAIR IN A BUN?? This is one smart lady.

Upon her successful appearance in “Alone in the Dark” as a real smart archaeology lady (Quoth director Uwe Boll: “Tara Reid is looking really intelligent with eyeglass.”), Tara Reid decided it was time to give back to the community. So, she opened The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies – a place where pretty ladies can learn to hold props that look smart, in hopes that they themselves will appear intelligent.

Who needs brains when you have a wind machine?

Who needs brains when you have a wind machine?

Graduate: Isabel Lucas
Major: Book Holding
Film: Transformers 2 (2009)

From all of us here at “24 Hours to Midnight: The Blog!”, we wish Isabel Lucas a hearty congratulations, and remind our readers that intelligence is only a labcoat away.

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