Tag Archives: rape: it’s awesome!

Someone’s Knocking at the Door (2009)

Starring cheap Keanu Reeves
So much dicky-bird.

This “grind-house throwback” was actually pretty disturbing, especially because of the intense scenes of equal opportunity rape and slaughter. Luckily, it was all just a dream!

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Prey for Rock and Roll

new york times loved this.
just paint my belly baby.
marc blucas says “fuck”.

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Hardbodies (1984)

surprisingly, this was not the soft-core porn i accidentally downloaded. double barf.

80’s beach movie
3 old pervs pay to meet chicks

when i first heard about this movie on gilmore girls, i knew i had to watch it. now i am seriously questioning their taste level. a beach “stud” who is down on his luck is “hired” by three older gentlemen to help them meet “hardbodies,” which are essentially hot girls who hang out at the beach. this movie features courtney gains (the burbs, children of the corn, can’t buy me love) as the beach studs best friend, rag, and a bunch of ladies that were probably featured in a men’s magazine at some point in their lives as this was originally a playboy movie, and then released as a comedy. on the plus side, there is a hilarious shopping mall musical montage, and a pretty awesome girl band called….Hardbodies (VIXEN!!!!!). essentially, if you like boobs and really cheesy comedy, you will like this movie.

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Saturn 3 (1980)


Sexy robot! Too bad he eats dogs and people.

Addicted to pills.
Farrah, he’s too old for you!
Go for the robot.

Good news, Farrah / shitty sci-fi fans! This movie is available in its entirety on YouTube. Here’s the trailer:

You’d think that this movie would be an exciting, high concept space opera. You’d be wrong. Saturn 3 is just terrible.

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Silent Night, Deadly Night


santa raped his mom
boy forced to wear santa suit
uh, can you blame him?

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Lady Dragon (1992)


Rothrock is our hero!

Cynthia Rothrock
you are a Lady Dragon.
So fuck up some men!

Treason or magic?
Beat your slutty nemesis!
Now, shoulder shimmy.

Note: For fashion alone, this trailer is worth watching.

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Terror in Paradise

"Oh, the terror is causing me to clutch this tiny towel even closer to my bare flesh!"

"Oh, the terror is causing me to clutch this tiny towel even closer to my bare flesh!"

terrorists beware.
they’re going to stop you somehow.
horny tennis pros.

Quotable quote #1
Terrorist (upon spotting our heroes): It’s some young stud, and a broad with the hots.

Quotable quote #2
Hero: What happened to you?
Heroine: They raped me.
Heroine: I already did.
Hero: I want you to always be part of my life.

Quotable quote #3:
Token black terrorist on squad of multicultural terrorists: Don’t jazz me!

Best scene:
Before the finale, one terrorist, in memory of his fallen terrorist pals, sheds a single tear.

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"If Looks Could Kill, They Wouldn't Need To Kick."

"If Looks Could Kill, They Wouldn't Need To Kick."

want to fight some crime?
join these lady kickboxers;
shower frequently.

when not fighting nude,
all of the girls wear spandex.
it’s leotarded.

Fast Fact #1: Angelfist was directed by Cirio H. Santiago, director of TNT Jackson!
Fast Fact #2: Angelfist stars Catya Sassoon, daughter of Vidal Sassoon!

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