The Devil Inside (2012)

Read the review at thescope.ca…

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Drive Angry (2011)

nicolas cage brakes for pussy.

nic cage! back from hell!
has sex during a shoot out
drinks beer from a skull

Season of the Witch (2011)

FEATURING AN AWESOME DIRTSTACHE.

sir nicolas cage
prance around on your pony
bleed out your sadness

The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror (2007)

"Who would want to be with a singer-songwriter who hasn't hit the big time? ... Do you want some couscous?"

sluttiness abounds
and so do gay one-liners
yay, stabbed by drag queen!

Here’s the “sexy version” of the trailer:

And here’s a fun little scene:

So it turns out that above crazy lady was actually gang-banged by a large group of Republicans and gave birth to a teenage zombie boy.

 

The Seventh Sign (1988)

this looks like a danielle steel novel.

knife wounds make portals
demi moore: pregnant hero
oh look, a baby!

sorry i haven’t been posting much, i’ve been feeling pretty uninspired.  i’ve been watching tonnes of garbage, but none of it is interesting enough to write about.  this movie was actually pretty good.  plus, that’s two for demi moore, all we have to do is watch showgirls and then she’s a hall of famer!

 

Camp Hell (2010)

i learned that if you sin then you will have an asthma attack and a statue of the virgin mary will fall on you.

bible camp!  demons!
it’s just about abstinence
the real sin? FAKE HORROR.

once again, i have no idea where this movie went wrong. the credits were super scary and it was supposedly based on a true story about a bible camp where demons appear to take care of sinners.  i think that’s what this was about anyways, i kind of lost interest about halfway through once i realized that the trailer was a complete tease and everything else was mostly about how if you sin, then demons will attack you and your family. jesse eisenberg is in it for about 5 mintues, i no longer have a crush on andrew mccarthy and if i ever have children, they are never going to bible camp.

C Me Dance (2009)

DANC FOR MOMMA

oh no! we were tricked!
religious propaganda
don’t touch a christian

The Stand

SWINE FLU Y'ALL! CAPTAIN TRIPS!

part I: the plague

dark man, what you wear?
canadian tuxedo
denim on demim

part II: the dreams

everyone is dead
except for b-list celebs
molly! stop singing!

part III: the betrayal

the power comes on
stephen king makes cameo
hauls corpses around

part IV: the stand

a baby gets born
ghost of mother abigail
something about god