Tag Archives: sexy transformation

Burlesque (2010)

"WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE"

welcome to burlesque
your leg is cher’s microphone
glitter bras for all

cher and a crow bar
beat the windows out ya car
lame drama ballad

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Modelli Folli aka Model Madness (2010)

motion editorial sickness

ty-ty’s in film school
so whip your hair in reverse
a top model first

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New Best Friend (2002)

rachel true, who are you trying to kid?

dawson’s creek’s andie
mia kirshner is a mess
dominique swain’s gay

other highlights:  college “kids” behaving badly because “hey!  it’s college!”,  people run around in desperate need of a bra, and oliver hudson raps.  it’s as awful as you think it is.

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Turbulence 3 (2001)

turbulence 3

online, in-flight gig
oh! satanic hijackers!
hack the plane, you guys

See the actress in the YouTube video? If you thought that she was going to have a sexy transformation, then you would be RIGHT. Glasses OFF, hair OUT OF BUN.

Also from the preview, does the guy playing Internet Hacker look familiar to you? We thought it was David Boreanaz. Nope, it’s Mr.-Hey-Aren’t-You-David-Boreanaz? himself, Craig Sheffer. Here’s a side-by-side comparison of the two of them looking like d-bags. BONUS: The gentleman in the middle making that duck-face is Colin Berry, an actor that has shown up on this blog before.

Craig Sheffer David Boreanaz and Colin Berry

Speaking of familiar, we were about halfway through the movie when we realized that shock-rocker/Marilyn-Manson-clone Slade Craven is played by John Mann, frontman of Canadian folk rock band Spirit of the West.

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Kick-Ass (2010)

I would have preferred watching "Big Daddy and Hit Girl."

nick cage: crime fighter
speak slowly, dress like batman
mustache extensions

i mostly liked this movie, but i’m not a dude, so i had a few problems with kick-ass pretending to be gay, and with grown men having no problem beating up a tiny child, no matter how many people she’s killed. apparently the original comic was supposed to be based on big daddy and hit girl, and that would have been amazing. also, clark duke reading runaways was cool, so there you go. i mostly recommend it.

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Wasp Woman (1959)

waspwoman

Note: this does not happen.

mad men, with monsters!
sounds like ’60s spider-man
xylophone montage!


BONUS HAIKU:
hey, it’s the fifties!
now put that dame in her place.
let’s smoke everywhere!

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Night of the Cobra Woman (1972)

night of the cobra woman

evil snake lady
she feeds on youth to stay young…
is that you, Tyra?

Baroness

Baroness, you're the only Cobra woman for me.

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New Moon

an assault on the senses.

edward cullen’s back
what a fucking dickburger
NO GLITTERDICK! NOOOOOOO!


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Witch Academy

Witch Academy fred olen ray

you lecherous beast!
despite all the tits and gore,
couldn’t be gayer

Let’s get this out of the way: there’s no witches. And as for the “Academy” part of the title, the movie DOES take place at a sorority house, but let’s take a look at the actresses who are playing the comely college co-eds…

Fred Olen Ray Witch Academy

Yow. This movie is directed by Fred Olen Ray, a testosterone junkie who tends to fill all available screentime with gore and nudity. This movie’s no different (first appearance of breasts at 00:00:25; first instance of girl-on-girl spanking 00:02:30), but somehow, the result is less Eli Roth and more John Waters. It may have something to do with the fact that the women he hired to be sorority girls were over 35 years old at the time, and all built like wrestlers.

Playing our students older than average, we have sweet but gullible Darla, spoiled rotten leader Wanda, and tough-as-nails Tara. Somehow, this trio seems familiar…

Alternatively, the Golden Girls

We could draw similar parallels to the Golden Girls.

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Witch Academy
Speaking of familiar, Wanda, with her trampy-vampy styles, reminded us of another leading lady…
hedwig-and-the-angry-inch

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Soon, the girls are visited by Edith, the head B in charge of the sorority…

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After three sets of breasts, the above-mentioned spanking, an alien costume, an electric laser defense system (wtf), an exploding telephone boobytrap (wtf wtf), they get around to advancing the plot, which centers on mousy wannabe Leslie vying for entry into the sorority. Let’s watch…
That is some real sub-porn quality acting there. From there, Satan (Robert Vaughn!) shows up, there is a  SEXY TRANSFORMATION, and also monsters.
You said it, Satan!

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Priscilla Barnes in Witch Academy
Note: You may recognize that Edith is played by Priscilla Barnes, who played the girl who replaced the girl who replaced Suzanne Somers on “Three’s Company”.
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