Tag Archives: tara reid

The Crow: Wicked Prayer

crow-wicked-prayer-poster

walk slow as house burns
and look like a sad lady.
re-apply lipstick

Ohhh… so many problems with this one. Here’s a few highlights:

  • the theatrical debut of the UFC’s Tito Ortiz.
  • a cameo by Macy Gray.
  • Dennis Hopper in a complete WTF performance as a jive-talkin’ pimp/cult leader. Not even he can deliver a stinker of a line like “I now pronounce you devil and his shorty!”

On the upside, it’s got Danny Trejo (MACHETE!) and our best girl, Tara Reid!

I thought the biggest problem was Edward Furlong, who ends up looking more than a little effeminate after he takes a Sharpie to his face. The look he’s going for is “grim spectre of death” but it’s more like “bay goth teen who took a Sharpie to his face while watching the first Crow movie in their room on VHS”.

the crow edward furlong

Evanescence's webmaster.

Personally, Edward Furlong as The Crow reminded me of those Living Dead Dolls from Hot Topic:

24 Hours to Midnight The Blog crow

Basically the same.

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The Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies: Jessica Alba

Occasionally, a filmmaker needs a lady to look smart, but can’t afford to change the script, or cast someone that can act like a smart person. That’s when you call the “Tara Reid Acting School for Real Smart Ladies” – helping ladies be smart through the use of props. Today’s graduate? Jessica Alba.

Smart?

Smart?

Jessica Alba is the winner of two¬†Lazzies (the Latino version of a Razzie) for her status as Worst Latina Actress. However, that didn’t stop her from playing the WASPiest white woman in the Marvel Universe – The Invisible Woman.

Blacktina?

Blacktina?

How will she make it as a super-powered blonde woman with advanced degrees in four biochemical fields? Witness the transformation!

"You guys! Science!", said the be-wigged Alba.

"You guys! Science!", said the be-wigged Alba.

Wow! Not since “Honey” have we seen such a Cinderella story!

Graduate: Jessica Alba
Major: Glasses Wearing
Film: Fantastic Four (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Congratulations, Jessica Alba!

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