Tag Archives: the bible

The Sentinel (1977)

CHRIS SARANDON = ADEQUATE LOVER.

hard day for model
scantily clad, armed with knife
what’s that? hell portal!

this movie co-stars chris sarandon aka jerry dandridge from fright night aka jack skellington as model allison parker’s concerned, creepy boyfriend.

JACK SKELLINGTON.

plus, everyone is in this movie including christopher walken, burgess meredith, jerry orbach, beverly d’angelo as a deranged lesbian, and the love of my life jeff goldblum.

AWESOME.

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The Seventh Sign (1988)

this looks like a danielle steel novel.

knife wounds make portals
demi moore: pregnant hero
oh look, a baby!

sorry i haven’t been posting much, i’ve been feeling pretty uninspired.  i’ve been watching tonnes of garbage, but none of it is interesting enough to write about.  this movie was actually pretty good.  plus, that’s two for demi moore, all we have to do is watch showgirls and then she’s a hall of famer!

 

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Camp Hell (2010)

i learned that if you sin then you will have an asthma attack and a statue of the virgin mary will fall on you.

bible camp!  demons!
it’s just about abstinence
the real sin? FAKE HORROR.

once again, i have no idea where this movie went wrong. the credits were super scary and it was supposedly based on a true story about a bible camp where demons appear to take care of sinners.  i think that’s what this was about anyways, i kind of lost interest about halfway through once i realized that the trailer was a complete tease and everything else was mostly about how if you sin, then demons will attack you and your family. jesse eisenberg is in it for about 5 mintues, i no longer have a crush on andrew mccarthy and if i ever have children, they are never going to bible camp.

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Missionary Man

missionary man: loves beating up dudes with garbage cans. co-starring someone who was on one episode of the new melrose place.

ride your motor bike
quote scripture, beat up bad guys
“do” the widow.  yawn.

Seriously, for a movie that had so much going for it, I have no idea how it turned out so terribly.  There were explosions, tequila shots, crooked cops, motorcycles, vengeance and DOLPH LUNDGREN, and still this put me to sleep.  Maybe it was just too cliche ridden to hold my attention.  The highlight by far was this preview:

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!!!!!!!

boylorne: Dolph Lundgren is a man of many talents. Check this out (and wait for 1:15… AND 1:30):

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