Tag Archives: zombies

The Sentinel (1977)

CHRIS SARANDON = ADEQUATE LOVER.

hard day for model
scantily clad, armed with knife
what’s that? hell portal!

this movie co-stars chris sarandon aka jerry dandridge from fright night aka jack skellington as model allison parker’s concerned, creepy boyfriend.

JACK SKELLINGTON.

plus, everyone is in this movie including christopher walken, burgess meredith, jerry orbach, beverly d’angelo as a deranged lesbian, and the love of my life jeff goldblum.

AWESOME.

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Tormented (2009)

 

rest in piss.

 

asthmatic zombie
takes revenge on school bullies
condom full of dick

 

 

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Dance of the Dead (2008)

dance of the dead

it’s like BLUH meets BLAH.
so, your teen film has zombies…
that don’t make it good.

This is one of those movies that seem so low-budget and earnest that you kind of HAVE to like it. But then, they burn up all that goodwill by having the zombies drive, or keep walking after their head is removed or oh-hey-come-on-now become hypnotized by rock music for some reason. There was one scene where the cheerleader makes a dash through a horde of zombies — flipping, rolling, and diving — that was thought was pretty cool. Then we realized it was because it reminded us of “Buffy”, so we were conflicted. Not bad, but not amazing.

Speaking of amazing works of survival horror, “The Walking Dead” is coming to AMC on October 31st, 2010. Excited? You betcha.

And, what the heck, here’s the fan-made opening credits (that is, not the ones they’re going to use on the real show), prepared by Daniel M. Kanemoto. The actual show is probably going to be a little more sombre and grim. These credits, however, are slick as hell. I would watch this show.

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Zombie Strippers! (2008)

like flashdance, but with zombies instead of welding.

hey everybody
let’s make like tito ortiz
and haul fucking buns

well, we’ve finally seen ZOMBIE STRIPPERS, and now we can never unsee it.

highlights include:

  • weird existential bullshit dialogue that makes absolutely no sense
  • references to both UHF and THE WARRIORS
  • ridiculous stripper pole moves
  • a zombie stripper shooting golf AND pool balls out of her cooch

despite all of this, i can never, ever imagine watching it again. solid effort, really good if you’re into strippers and zombies maybe, but a pretty terrible movie all in all.

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Dark Town (2004)

i'm still shocked that boylorne bought this at a yard sale from a grandma.

Compton has vampires
stay away from dad’s thermos
it’s a lost boys trick!

for the best part of this movie, go about 30 seconds into this clip:

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A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)

avirginamongthelivingdead A Virgin Among the Living Dead

This movie poster is so metal.

make it italian?
just add gore, incest, and freaks.
mission accomplished.

A nerdish failing of mine: I don’t get Italian horror. Argento, Fulci, Bava… their charms are lost on me. I notice the stylistic flourishes (the melodrama, the gore, etc., etc., etc.) but it’s not for me. I recognize, however, that this movie is a bad example of the genre.

To summarize: our heroine (?) is called to a creepy mansion for the reading of her father’s will. Creepy mansion is home to weirdo relatives. Eventually (and in this case, “eventually” means over an hour into the film), some crazy shit goes down, and she descends into madness, I guess. What the “crazy shit” consists of depends on what version of the film you see.  There are at least TEN different versions of this mess, and some of them follow a completely different plot than the rest.

The one we watched was also released under the title “Zombi 4” (unrelated to Lucio Fulci’s “Zombi”) and included about forty minutes of our hero stumbling through the woods, and with dirty-looking men occasionally getting out from under piles of leaves. We weren’t lucky enough to get the saucy softcore version (“Christina: Princess of Eroticism”) or the Vincent-Price-is-on-the-box-but-not-in-the-movie version with vampires.

Anyway, no video for this one, but here’s an excerpt from the soundtrack. Feel free to use it instead of your usual Spooky Holiday sound effects tape:

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