Category Archives: naturalie

Sharknado (2013)

save los angeles / toss bombs into sharknadoes / oh hi, it's science

save los angeles / toss bombs into sharknadoes / oh hi, it’s science


While trawling Netflix we came across this TV movie gem, and were pleasantly unsurprised by how terrible it was. Sharknado stars Ian Ziering (Steve from 90210) as Fin Shepard, a seaside-bar-owning SOTA (surfer older than average) who also happens to be the ex-husband of April Wexler, played by Tara Reid. When three tornadoes form off the coast of California, Fin must make it to his estranged wife and 2 children in order to move them further inland to safety. Accompanying him are his lady bartender named Nova, and a sawny, bar-stool-wielding bar patron named George, played by John Heard (the dad from Home Alone).

They soon come to realize that these are not just any three tornadoes; they’re three tornadoes FULL OF SHARKS FOR SOME REASON. Seriously, tornadoes are flinging sharks everywhere, but instead of the sharks dying from being out of the water for any length of time, or the impact of being thrown from a tornado, they happily spend their last moments of life trying to murder people. Not only does this movie have terrible special effects, and terrible acting, it also blatantly pilfers from Jaws about twenty minutes in (which I not-so-secretly loved). I won’t ruin the ending for you, but it definitely involves flying a helicopter near a tornado (???), and Fin cutting his way out of a shark (???). IMDB says that people who liked Sharknado also liked Dragon Wasps (giant, fire-breathing wasps, according to it’s photo). Enjoy!

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Zardoz

 

orange diapers

erection studies,
not as sexy as you’d think.
dicky bird covers.

poor sean connery!
what have they done to james bond?
wear a wedding dress.

 

sean connery wedding dress

Wear a wedding dress, indeed.

 

zardog zardoz

Who wore it better?

photocredit: here

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Splice

adrien brody
screws sarah’s science project.
um… literally.

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Fear of the Dark (2002)


cowboy ghost douche bags
apparently blankets are safe?
just pay your light bill!



 

Jesse James: More than one guitar?

 

And now, the TOP 5 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT TEEN STAR JESSE JAMES (from his IMDB Biography)
5. His nickname is Jess.
4. He started playing guitar when he was 14.
3. He owns two guitars.
2. He is a fan of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
1. He has dimples when he smiles.



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Troll 2

 

If only there were trolls in this movie

 

corn on the cob slut
vegetarian goblins
baloney sandwich!

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Chock full of teen stereotypes!

pervy gardener!
don’t fall to sleep or you’ll die
give the kids their speed!

teen stereotypes
what is this, the breakfast club?
death is pretty harsh

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Prey for Rock and Roll

new york times loved this.
just paint my belly baby.
marc blucas says “fuck”.

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A Cinderella Story

updated for teens.
always read your texts out loud.
duff is faux fugly.

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The Room

What a beauty.

only “bay hot” girls.
murder she wrote stock footage.
awkward thrusting bums

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The House of the Devil

nan’s in the attic.
sure, we only loves satan.
like, what’s the big deal?

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