Category Archives: boylorne

[site news] We’ve gone legit!

Oh, hi.
You may have noticed that our posts have gone from “frequent” to “decidedly frequentesque”. This is where a lot of blogs issue a post-mortem, remarking on what a long strange journey it’s been, and bowing out gracefully. However, that is not the case for us. We’ve been busy with a whole new frontier of 24H2M life:  freelancing!

Our friends at The Scope (the local arts & entertainment magazine in St. John’s, Newfoundland) have asked us to bring our signature style to their readers.

We’re presently found weekly on thescope.ca, every Friday. You can check out the stuff we’ve already posted here:
FRIGHT NIGHT (2011)
THE INITIATION (1984)
ORCA (1977)
IN THE NAME OF THE KING (2006)

We’re posting ALL NEW CONTENT in a HOT NEW STYLE using our RUDIMENTARY KNOWLEDGE OF HOME COMPUTERS. thescope.ca also has other great content daily, including their Track of the Day and other stuff that you don’t need to be a local to be into. We’ll still be posting here, but new stuff goes to thescope.ca first, and weeks before it hits the blog here.

So, yeah. thescope.ca, every Friday.

BTW, this is us being modest:

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Ragdoll (1999)

a funky, funky jam

watch out, gay tupac!
beware: ragdoll’s gonna come
close with a slow jam

The cat-in-heat howls of the ragdoll are bad, but we found something far, far worse. Behold: Svengoolie, and his chilling song parodies.

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A Year in Cinema… with boylorne

2010

Scandal in a Small Town, Gwendoline, Outside the Law, Wishcraft, Seduced by Evil, The Room, She-Gods of Shark Reef, Wasp Woman, The Thirst, Lover’s Lane, Rollerball, Turbulence 3, Dance of the Dead, Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror, Dark World, Aerobicide, Fear of the Dark, June 9, Runaway, The Omega Man, Best Worst Movie, Eegah, Hot Potato, Barbarian Brothers, Do Not Open Till Christmas

NOT GOOD MOVIES.

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Fred Olen Ray’s Drive-In Theatre

chain link fence sex sexy fred olen ray

Oh hi.

Last year, we had lots to say about Curse of the Vampires (vampire vs. ghost! blackface! candelabras!). Mostly, we were taken in by the DVD’s intro segment, provided by noted B-movie writer/director/producer Fred Olen Ray. Titled “Retromedia Drive-In Theatre”, Ray sets up the film, mostly by making awkward conversation and puns about boners. We finally got around to getting some screencaps. Enjoy!

fred olen ray retromedia 1

HEEEEEEEEY

drive in babes fred olen ray retromedia

bikini babes fred olen ray

Quoth savagebrewtality: "Two butts!"

bikini babes fred olen ray

There's also cork-popping sound effects.

Fred Olen Ray

According to Fred, he's related to a dozen historical figures, from Jesse James, to former First Lady Laura Bush. He also claims to be the 14th cousin of noted lady vampire, Elizabeth Bathory.

In the segment, Ray is accompanied by his sidekick, Miss Kim. As he notes, she has “some big, swingin’ knockers”.  Also, she drinks a soda, seductively (???).

Fred Olen Ray gif

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Barbarian Brothers (1987)

swords and sorcery
spirits and synthesizers
steroids and sequins

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Zardoz

 

orange diapers

erection studies,
not as sexy as you’d think.
dicky bird covers.

poor sean connery!
what have they done to james bond?
wear a wedding dress.

 

sean connery wedding dress

Wear a wedding dress, indeed.

 

zardog zardoz

Who wore it better?

photocredit: here

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Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

a hot synth soundtrack,
mutant snake, and bazooka…
but, where is my top?

This is amazing.

This is AMAZING.

THIS IS AMAZING.

AMAZING!

Hard Ticket to Paradise

SPOILER: Trans.

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[guest blogger] Demolition Man

Sly Stone and Wes Snipes
doing what they do the best:
kickin’  ass…’nuff said!


Camiele: What can you say about a paring like this:  Wesley Snipes with his multiple Black Belts and Sylvester Stallone with his Rocky-Rambo badassery?  It’s like French chocolate to an action freak.  There’s just too much delicious in this movie to pick a couple moments to highlight.  But, let’s start with the names of our pro and an:  Stallone as John Spartan, a name that suggests any of the many reckless and unbridled gods of war that were the Spartans; Wesley Snipes as Simon Phoenix, a man not trifled with as he always leaves his trail in an explosion and always rises from the debris.  Then you’ve got names like Edgar Friendly and Bobby Lamb that just seem too good to be true.

It’s like 1984 with more explosions than bowels after collard greens.  There’s nothing more fantastic than a world that sees the merger of San Diego, Los Angeles, and Santa Barbara; Schwarzenegger as president; and where every single restaurant is Taco Bell –except, of course, the underground city of people left before the 21st century who like to read, like their burgers dripping with grease, and still live by the law of the jungle.  It’s a movie so filled with all of my favourite things –two unyielding warriors battling, sharp contrasts in society, and battle for the universe.  Add to that a soundtrack of jingles from the 1950s and you’ve got the perfect film to add to any action hero collection.

Right now, I get my jabberjaw jollies writing about Halloween costumes. Star Costumes has been in business since 1980 and online since 1997. With almost 30 years of experience in the Halloween costume industry, StarCostumes.com is dedicated to offering the largest selection of adult costumes and kids costumes for our customers at some of the most competitive prices on the web. If you want to give me a buzz, I can be reached at cmlewhite at gmail [dot] com.

boylorne: And now, here’s Grace Jones:

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Fear of the Dark (2002)


cowboy ghost douche bags
apparently blankets are safe?
just pay your light bill!



 

Jesse James: More than one guitar?

 

And now, the TOP 5 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT TEEN STAR JESSE JAMES (from his IMDB Biography)
5. His nickname is Jess.
4. He started playing guitar when he was 14.
3. He owns two guitars.
2. He is a fan of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
1. He has dimples when he smiles.



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