Monthly Archives: April 2010

It’s Complicated (2009)

you've gone native.

according to mom
the funniest movie since
father of the bride

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Deadly Illusion (1987)

deadly illusion

an epic battle
moustache of truth and justice
shoulderpads of sin

OK, so who IS this tongue-flicking lovely? It’s Vanity (aka Denise Matthews, a former Prince protégé), playing the role of Billy Dee Williams’ cab-drivin’, sass-talkin’ girlfriend. Here is some essential Vanity knowledge:

  • Prince chose her to be the lead in an all-girl group that would perform in lingerie and sing sensual songs with sexually-charged lyrics (“Nasty Girl”, “Sex Shooter”, “Wet Dream”, etc.)
  • Prince wanted to re-name her “Vagina” (pronounced “Va-Geena”). She was not fussy.
  • He settled on the the name “Vanity” and the group became “Vanity 6” (though he wanted to name them “The Hookers”).
  • Why is the group named “Vanity 6” when there are only three members? It’s their total number of breasts.
  • Eventually, things went sour, and Prince dropped Vanity from the group, and replaced her with Appolonia, and renamed the group “Appolonia 6”.
  • Like most former Prince protégés, she’s now an evangelical preacher.

And now, you really need to watch this. We have… about 400 times:

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Zoom in on: Marc Blucas’ moustache

What movie?: Prey for Rock and Roll (2003)
What are we zooming in on?: Marc Blucas’ moustache
How did we react?: Six minutes of silent horror, disgust

Prey for Rock and Roll Marc Blucas

Prey for Rock and Roll Marc Blucas

Prey for Rock and Roll Marc Blucas

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Kick-Ass (2010)

I would have preferred watching "Big Daddy and Hit Girl."

nick cage: crime fighter
speak slowly, dress like batman
mustache extensions

i mostly liked this movie, but i’m not a dude, so i had a few problems with kick-ass pretending to be gay, and with grown men having no problem beating up a tiny child, no matter how many people she’s killed. apparently the original comic was supposed to be based on big daddy and hit girl, and that would have been amazing. also, clark duke reading runaways was cool, so there you go. i mostly recommend it.

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Prey for Rock and Roll

new york times loved this.
just paint my belly baby.
marc blucas says “fuck”.

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Nine Lives (2002)

LEX SHRAPNEL.

fancy british twats
get drunk, release a demon
paris hilton dies

unfortunately i could not find a trailer for this gem, but someone made this loving tribute to the movie, set to the music of marilyn manson.

thank you.

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The Stepfather (2009)

penn badgley in a coma i know, i know it's serious

mom, your beau’s a creep
your kids will disappoint him
even dan humphrey

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A Cinderella Story

updated for teens.
always read your texts out loud.
duff is faux fugly.

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The Room

What a beauty.

only “bay hot” girls.
murder she wrote stock footage.
awkward thrusting bums

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The House of the Devil

nan’s in the attic.
sure, we only loves satan.
like, what’s the big deal?

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